Posts by Good JW

22

Wierd Shunning Stories

by VW.org in

yesterday i went to a shopping center.

i saw a dub who was once a very friendly person.

he was about 10 metres from me when i noticed him.

Good JW

I find that if you see a JW squirming, scared to look at you/speak, simply be over-enthusiastic about seeing them, like they're a long lost friend:

http://www.relatably.com/m/img/wide-eyed-meme-girl/hqdefault.jpg

(try not to get a restraining order)

28

Why do ex-JW's talk so much about being ex-JW's?

by Sour Grapes in

is it because we were in the cult watchtower compound that we talk about being ex-jw's when we stop being active?

i have never heard anyone say that i was an ex-catholic or an ex-lutheran or an ex-baptist.

they just stop going to their church and don't talk about it.. years after not stepping inside a kingdom hell, many of us still have to talk about being ex-jw's.

On a slightly more serious note, I do think that ex JWs are damaged (not beyond repair though, just need the right direction). A JW is taught to see things very externally, always judging "the others", and rarely looking internally other than to feel guilt/shame. There are countless negative psychological traits of WT indoctrination, but the top of the lot is probably making the average adherent (and many who leave) feel powerless. This damaging mindset is often taken with you! Ironically, you can go from feeling like a persecuted JW, to a persecuted ex JW.

"Woe is me"

That's one of the most damaging aspects. The feeling that everyone is against you (them against me), or that you're stuck, unable to do something positive about your situation.

28

Why do ex-JW's talk so much about being ex-JW's?

by Sour Grapes in

is it because we were in the cult watchtower compound that we talk about being ex-jw's when we stop being active?

i have never heard anyone say that i was an ex-catholic or an ex-lutheran or an ex-baptist.

they just stop going to their church and don't talk about it.. years after not stepping inside a kingdom hell, many of us still have to talk about being ex-jw's.

Good JW

Not all ex's talk about being an ex - some prefer to just block that part of their lives out completely (pretend it never happened).

Other than the obvious (something in common to talk about, being on the same page with others), it's likely to do with ones commitment to it. If you dedicate your life to something, then discover it's all been a big scam/farce, you'll want to talk about it....for some time. Most people don't realise what it means to "sell your soul to an org", so when you talk about it with them they're like "meh", but those who've been through it understand.

The most dedication and betrayal the average person has to put up with is their cable service overcharging them for a basic TV package while Joe blogs down the street is getting the full lot for half price. Or religiously following a diet (with promises of 20lbs weight loss) for a whopping 6 weeks, only to find out it wasn't for them.

LOL

(ok, maybe a bit of oversimplification/exaggeration there)

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Hi Sunworshipper805, I didn't intend this to be an all out attack, was hoping to strike some balance through constructive criticism that's all. "Give the poor guy a break" is the wrong way of seeing this.

Let's break down what happened in here - goingthruthemotions started a thread that was completely based around bashing the JWs for their bad fruitage. I understand that, and have done the same myself to certain degrees. The alarm bells went off however when he uses his own wife (!) of nearly 30 years as a perfect example of a "false Christian". He judges her, gets a forum to pity him and be against his wife. This is the same wife whom he vowed "to have and to hold...for better, for worse". So much for the sanctity of marriage.

Which part of any of this seems reasonable and loving to you? If his relationship is in tatters, and he blames this all on the JW religion (or his wife's behaviour), is it going to do him or his current and future relationships any good by saying "there there, you poor man, you're just a victim, let me wrap you up". Of course not. I'm trying to be honest so that something positive can be done.

Look at it the other way, if "goingthruthemotions" listens to all those who've labelled/implied his wife is a narcissist (re-read the first page, this did happen, I'm not jumping to conclusions) then all he will do is judge her even more and there'll be greater dysfunction of the family! He will see her less as a human being and just some cultist with mental problems. How exactly would that help his situation? His only seeing things through his own eyes is not going to help - it's blinding him from reality to the point of harm. A good friend won't just tell you what you want to hear, and that's the unfortunate reality of the exJW community; too much mollycoddling (fear of accountability) and not enough reality checks.

Granted, I do sympathise with "goingthruthemotions" as regards leaving the org, this is a very confusing time! But other than empathising initially, I don't believe it would be doing any favours by misleading him into shifting blame onto everything else. Why? Because then he's taking away his own power! He's taking away his own control, his own ability to do something about it, and ultimately his satisfaction from life. Seeing things in black and white (us against them - the exJWs against the WT, for example, or him against his wife) is not healthy, it causes you to avoid the real issues in life.

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Narcissists Do NOT accept blame. THEY blame their victims

Which is why I said that it's kinda funny pointing the finger at everything JW related ("big bad borg") without taking ownership of our own lives.

The OP starter talks about how his wife doesn't forgive/show compassion and always brings up past errors....Yet on what planet is it respectable, honourable and loyal to be badmouthing your own wife on a public forum? And then to think of oneself as being the "wronged one" who needs to be given an apology to?

Bit narcissistic right? :)

OK, just playing devil's advocate here...

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

I will allow for the possibility that a person could simply have no experience with Narcissists.

I'm allowing for the case that those who have used this label "narcissist" for the OP's wife are maybe biased because they've been badly affected by an actual narcissist. Suddenly everyone who expresses certain similar traits is a "narcissist".

Of course, you both could be right...just cautioning against jumping to conclusions before getting all the facts, that's all (and displaying a bit of amusing reflection).

Have met plenty of people with mental health problems. True narcissists are rare though (1%), and mainly in the male sex. I've known of 1 (a JW at the time), his marriage lasted less than 2 years. He screwed over many in his business dealings, including his own father in law (put him in a load of debt).

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Gee whiz, now we're diagnosing the wife as a narcissist? This word gets thrown around far too much lol.

Look around the world, you'll find most people rarely apologise/forgive (ie genuinely). This is a rare trait. Most people point the finger at someone else when things go wrong.

"My life sucks because..."

"Things go for me wrong because dad was..."

The irony in this thread seems to be the fact that "an ex JW is 'always right' (because they left the wicked org) and there's no need to be apologetic".

Can't people see the hypocrisy here?

23

By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions in

by there fruits you can tell a true christian.

well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

my wife is a testament to this characteristic.

Good JW

Perhaps your wife is pissed off with your seeming disrespect? From her standpoint all she's seeing is you being negative, and this gets her fed up to the point of switching off?

As hard as this may be, it might be best to back off a little bit...

9

my 25 year anniversary of life after the WTS

by jookbeard in

its been a hell of a journey and not one i regret, i've had my testimony featured in free minds, married divorced, married again had 2 children, survived a very serious illness and come out just about unscathed.

it all started sometime in the early 1990's around the time of the waco siege, i just couldn't accept these crazy doctrines anymore of the belief system i was born into, the death and destruction of billions, the big a, the restoring of the earth to a paradise and the even bigger lie of a resurrection of billions, come early 1993 i had decided to fade, i attended the memorial of that year and decided never ever to return and i never did, come 1994 i had really hit rock bottom, divorced the following year, moved away,started a new career, a new life, the rest they say is history, anyone reading this and having similar thoughts, go for it!

you wont regret it..

Good JW

Thanks Jookbeard! Great to see long time ex JWs doing well :)

If I could give a bit of advice to those who've just left or are thinking about it; do it with passion. Don't be lukewarm about your decisions - now's the time for some decent changes. Put your whole heart into and do the (healthy) things you've always wanted to do but felt scared before. This takes quite a bit of getting used to, you have to really quiet the mind (meditate) and figure out what you desire, then you have to get over obstacles in the way (mainly your own mind!...ranging from fear, guilt and silly taboos that your previous religious group instilled).

Give yourself decent enough goals to strive for (don't make them small and insignificant otherwise it won't stoke you), then you will go through life motivated and enthused, rather than defeated and like a victim. Always give yourself something to look forward to. Never let fear of uncertainty dampen your zeal or restrict you.

Cherish your relationships with others and always try your best to smooth things over if rifts appear. Be a good (genuine) friend.

35

Local elder dies of starvation

by Steel in

well , not really.. our hall recently had a secret collection for our head elder who is almost on the verge of becoming homeless.

i guess he lost some cleaning contracts because his clients were just sick of his no shows because of his pioneer work.

there is always something more important to do than earn a living.. this is the same assholes he is always shaming people to not doing enough.

Good JW

they have the audacity to criticize those responsible ones who DO work as being 'not spiritual'.

LongHairGal - Yeah it took me a while to get that idea out my head (career = worldly) - really difficult when it's been ingrained from birth. My dad encouraged me to go to college etc (a bit out of the ordinary for an ex elder), but my mum always wanted me to be like "spiritual big brother" who went to bethel and forsook "worldly stuff".

Success in life is an attitude, not just circumstances (i.e. if you want something you need to really WORK for it). I see the contrast in behaviours very clearly now, and it was so frustrating when you were surrounded by folk in a religion who just didn't get it, or worse, confused by a religion who disguised humanity's fears/laziness as something virtuous/noble and spiritual. They see things in black or white - "spirituality vs career". Unfortunately it's cyclical - parents teach their children who then teach their children ("career or money's bad"). The religious leaders do the same thing.

Funny you should say that about the freeloaders falling on difficult times; at least one family I know of now the wife has had to go out to work (on a farm). Jehovah must be on a toilet break at the moment :) She's happier for it though (bit more self worth/daily exercise), although not as smug lol.